A Kiss Of Death
by fire-dragonz
Summary: Chnaged the titled, was previously "I look sad but i'm smiling on the inside". A J/HQ story in Joker's POV. Penguin has a brief few words in it but mainly focuses on the chaotic couple. The Joker is a man of comedy but when tradegy hits how will he cope?


_My first batman story. Hopefully it's okay. It's set as The Joker's POV and describes a big serious (yes it happens to everyone even our comical criminal clown) trauma. __Please R+R, I'd be glad to know how I did and how I can improve ^-^_

The night's sky clashed with a thunderous roar. It was as if the sky itself was screaming out victory for me. I had bats right where I wanted him. Together we stood on the roof of an abandoned factory, he remained as serious and silent as ever and I as determined as ever to make him smile before his untimely murder.

However, before I could even get a joke in he flew towards me and placed a valiant punch in my jaw.

I stumbled backwards and growled, he had removed my smile and replaced it with a bloodied cut.

I heard Harley anxiously asking how I was in the background put I was too mad to care.

Fumbling around in my pockets I tried to retrieve my trusty knife. If he wouldn't smile naturally it seemed I would have to force him to.

Unfortunately as I searched through my suits I couldn't seem to grab hold of the blade, instead my fingers touched the familiar shape of joker grenades. I was unsure whether they were to fill the air with a purple smog or to set the building off with an explosive bang. Chucking them effortlessly towards the Bat I regained my smile and began to laugh uncontrollably, after all the surprise just added to the fun.

"What are you doing?!?" the dark knight yelled as a he narrowly dodged a fiery grave.

"Your bombs will not only kill me they will kill you to joker!" he continued.

I pondered the idea, it was true. If I kept throwing the grenades they'd soon get me also.

"Oh well, one more for good luck!" I laughed back.

Tossing the clown faced explosive into the air I watched in marvel, anticipating the surprise.

Instead of a bang I was greeted with a purple haze. Batman was no longer in my vision. Perhaps mixing them up wasn't such a brilliant idea after all. If I were to eliminate bats I at least wanted to see my triumph.

Angrily I clenched my fists, this plan wasn't working whatsoever.

I would have continued my rage, had I not heard a click. In the palm of my hand I realised in horror that I had accidentally unleashed the trigger of a grenade.

In a panic I tossed the joker style creation in any old direction.

Secretly I hoped the grenade would have missed Batman, if he were to die I'd hope it would be in a more elaborate humorous way.

Fleeing from the flaming building I jumped into the convertible.

Laughing once more I waited to speed away back to the hideout.

I waited a little longer than I'd expected.

Eventually I turned my head and realised that Harley was not in the driver's seat.

"Huh?" looking back I tried to make out a harlequin figure in the distance but to no prevail.

"Too bad," I shifted seats and revved up the engine. Lucky the keys were still in the car, it was always handy to be prepared for a hasty exit.

"Too Slow Harls!" I yelled back into the smoky distance.

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And so I begun to plan again; from booby traps to gigantic board games to circus tents to mutated clown fish infested waters. I would get the batman once and for all.

I was several days into my various elaborate schemes when I began to notice something.

There was a strange silence, a missing link in my day to day life.

And then it hit me.

"Rocco, has Harley showed up yet? It's been a few days now, she is never away this long. Not since she got caught up with that poisonous Holly or Ivy or whatever her name is, the one with a brain the size of a sunflower seed."

"Ehh, well sir… I…" the buffoon began to mumble.

"Spit it out Rocco you useless sack of junk!" I snapped viciously.

"Well I heard some of the guys on the street say that the bats took her to Gotham general, they say she got messed up in an explosion or something boss," the crony continued.

" Well we will soon see to that! If she thinks she can spend time resting in hospital she is sadly mistaken! I mean what am I paying that woman for!" I seethed.

"Erm, do ya pay her boss?" the stupid twat dared to ask.

"No… but, THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT ROCCO!" I yelled frantically and quickly grabbing my coat I exited the hideout and made my way to the hospital to retrieve what was rightfully mine.

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I reached the counter and put on an extra big smile for the receptionist.

Rudely she gasped at my appearance and stuttered that I couldn't be in here. People nowadays really, no manners whatsoever.

" My dear, don't think of getting the dork knight on me. I'm not here to cause trouble honest, I'm just here to visit my little pooh Harls. Now if you'd be a dear and direct me to her room," I replied in a sickly sweet voice.

"Here, a gift of my gratitude," I continued, handing the woman a bright, blooming flower.

As soon as she touched it's stem the flower released a silvery gas which seeped into her mouth and nose.

As the smoke cleared she stared in a daze at me.

"You were just taking me to see Harleen Quinzel," I commanded menacingly.

With a zombie like nodded reply the receptionist did as she was told and led me to the room.

I'd never seen the blonde so quiet before. She lay there with her eyes closed and her mouth firmly shut.

What was even worse is that she was not wearing her work uniform. She was dressed in a dull grey hospital gown, her make up had been removed and her long, fair blonde hair was undone.

"Ah so this is some vacation for you then is it? Get outta the work clothes and lie in bed for a week or two, hate to break it to you missus but am I slave driver of a boss and you ain't getting no breaks with me about!"

Before she even had a chance to resist I swooped her up and escaped the hospital, it was far too depressing to stay around for long periods of time. All those boring deaths, where's the comical value I ask?

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As soon as we were home I started my rant.

"So Harls, you think you can get beat up a bit and that's that, a week's holiday huh? I'll tell you now life as a villain is far more stressful and your petty excuse means nothing to me. Heck, I'd kick you out of the team again only I know you'd return so there really is no point. However, I swear I'm going to get you into shape, this is not an airy fairy business, a life of crime has to be an artistic masterpiece with all the right elements added at the right times for humour and laughter. So you understand that… Harley… HARLEY!!! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!!!"

I kicked her in the stomach in an attempt to snap her to life but to my surprise she merely slumped over motionless.

My eyes widened, "Harley?" I whispered in confusion.

It was then I noticed something. Her heart was always racing, pounding from her chest and hitting off the brightly coloured jester suit of hers. You could spot it from a mile away, the girl lived on exhilaration and adrenaline. Yet as I stared at her I realised how weak her heart was beating. At first I didn't even think she had a heart beat, it was only as I placed my ear to her chest that I realised there was a weak, very faint beat slowly struggling to tick away.

I guess the right thing to do would be to take her back to the hospital but bats would probably already be there investigating the zombie like receptionist so I had to rethink another plan.

Unfortunately the only idea I could muster involved a rich, snobby, deformed, fish faced criminal.

Surely he was posh enough to have his own private doctor but it wasn't as if we were best friends, how was I suppose to persuade him to help me? And come to think of it, why did I care so much? It was only Harley after all. Yet as much as I tried to ignore her ill condition I just couldn't and instead got on the phone to Oswald Cobblepot.

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"So you are willing to give me a favour my callous clownish chum ?" the penguin asked over the dial.

I wasn't happy about it but I agreed and told him where to find me.

Then hanging up, I made a note to myself. Not only would I move hideouts after his doc had healed Harls I would also never repay his favour. That pompous Penguin had to be joking, like I - The Joker- would ever be reliable.

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Within an hour the posh penguin waddled in with a man in a white lab coat by his side. By this time I'd laid Harley on a bed, I couldn't seem to help myself. I too must have been ill because I just couldn't stop being kind to her, it's not as if she would care anyway, she wasn't waking up to notice me.

As penguin tried to make small talk with me his doctor went to examining Harley.

"So Batman says to me, Penguin I'll stop your evil deeds and I ignored his statement and flicked out my umbrella anyway, we'd duelled valiantly and I throw him to the ground with a swift blow…"

I nod every now and again and he continues to talk. For a guy that thinks he is so high class and intellectual you think he'd notice how bored I looked.

Eventually the medicine man came to my rescue… or so I thought.

" She had a serious fall…"

Right from the word serious I dreaded and hated what he was saying to me.

"… it appears she fell from a large height, perhaps a building."

"So what? That's happened before and she was fine," I hissed.

"… Yes but this time she has fallen in a position in which her spine was damaged. She is in a comma and it seems she is severely paralysed. She has also suffered from some burn marks, as if she were in an explosion."

I gulped. So I had done this? That last grenade I threw aimlessly must have hit Harls and knocked her off the side of the roof. It would all be in good sport if she was up and speaking away and annoying me to the point of sanity but she continued to lay silent.

"So what do I do?" I asked trying to sound scary but failing due to my utter confusion.

The doctor looked away from me and towards Harley.

He sighed, "Her chances of awakening are extremely slim. The best thing to do would be to let her go. I've attached some machinery to her at present moment but if you feel obliged you may turn off the power."

This wasn't funny. I was suppose to let Harley go, just like that. She was to die … normally?

I didn't want to, I didn't think I could. My eyes started to twitch and sting, I fought vigorously to hold back any sad emotions. I was the clown prince of crime, I could not be sad.

"Perhaps I should contact some of the others? Pamela and Harley were close, she would want to say her farewell," Penguin interrupted.

I nodded meekly as he got to work getting contacts.

I was just beginning to get use to having a sidekick. Batman has Robin and I had Harley, it all worked.

It seemed that the others cared for Harley too as within half an hour there was a congregation of crooks in the hideout.

I sat on my throne and watched from a distance as each one said there goodbyes.

Ivy had brought the most elegant flowers, she had the longest farewell. Despite what they said about her it was apparent at that moment that her feelings for certain humans were just as strong as her feelings for plants.

When at last all of Arkham's finest has said what they needed to I removed myself from my chair and walked to the bed.

Unlike everyone else I didn't seem to have the perfect words to say. I was a comedian, I was profound in the art of laughter and jokes. This didn't seem like a time to laugh, I was stumped on what to do.

Instead, I focused on another thing I loved. Happy, smiley faces.

Looking at Harley I observed her still, solemn facial expression. If she were to die it would not be looking like that.

Stroking my jaw for some spark of inspiration I tried to conjure something that would make her smile. A carved smile with a knife had crossed my mind but I couldn't bring myself to injure her more.

Instead I decided I would do the one thing that I knew deep down would make her smile. Although her face would appear to remain the same I know she'd understand and would be smiling all over inside.

So with my plan decided I moved away strands of her blonde hair from her face.

"Here's something to put a smile on your face poo,"

Leaning down I kissed her lips tenderly and remained in that pose for what felt like an eternity, all of Gotham's notorious were watching but I couldn't care less. The only thing I felt was her soft, smooth, delicious lips on mine.

Without removing my lips from hers I moved my arm towards the machine and clicked the switch off.

_The End._

_I was deciding whether to make the ending sad or happy._

_I had an idea for both but in the end thought the depressing one was more effective._

_I was also going to make it a 3 chaptered story with chapter 2 and 3 being the alternative endings but I decided to just leave it as a 1 chaptered short story. Please do tell me if you think I'm any good at Harley and Joker fanfics, The Joker is such a complexed character. I hope I didn't making him too OOC lol. Thanx for reading anyways :D Xxxx_


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